Don't the kanjis look impressive. Reading your senryus, I realize that I also have to give an explanation for other people to understand what I mea (though I don't know any poet who tries to make himself clear).
It was interesting to read your senryu, however, you need to explain why you used certain katakana words in your poem, as it is part of your criteria for this assignment.
I have to agree with Kuzuoglu-san in his statement about clarity. These senryu are actually ideas I have been working to develop for some time now, and this project provided and opportunity to dedicate time to that. I spent a lot of time researching the Kanji and vocabulary to find the words that most aligned with my impression of the ideas, so that there may be clarity in the ambiguity. Imagine a sound heard in pure darkness: we may not know exactly what makes that sound, but we gain an impression of whether is is threatening or welcoming, good or bad, etc. Much in the same way, by allowing the work to "breathe", it allows the reader to experience the impression naturally, or without force. However, the only way to achieve that effect without blocking the "breath" of the work is to make sure that the "body" is properly built. However, because it is part of the assignment, I at least must explain my katakana usage. In 1. I use the word fuwafuwa. It typically reads as "fluffy", though also is used to express something that is light, or airy (cloud-like). This light and airy feeling is also borrowed to describe dizziness, or the feeling you experience when drunk. When researching this word, however, I realized that the word was also the name for the Chinese mascots for the 2008 Beijing Olympics, which are commonly believed to be cursed and the cause of recent national disasters for China. I think that all of these aptly express what I am trying to express. The first line of 2. perhaps should be qualified as well. I found this phrase to be a sort of slang, or idiom, which means "pick up lines", or "flattering words". The next line is comprised of two onomatopoeic words: doki doki, and niko niko. Doki Doki is the sound of a beating heart. It is sometimes used to express excitement, and sometimes nervousness or fear. Again, I aim to employ both connotations. Niko Niko (sometimes seen as Niya Niya) is a grin, commonly linked to our term "Cheshire Cat Grin". Following the theme of duality, a smile, in and of itself, is a positive thing. However, a grin such as this seems to house a hidden darkness, which is not to be ignored. As for 3., the words used are Zaa Zaa, and Bara Bara. Zaa Zaa is the sound of a heavy rain falling. Bara Bara is a word meaning seperated, or scattered. As a light commentary, I should also point out a few "easter eggs" I've included. Firstly, the poems are not simply numbered, 1.,2., and 3. are the names of the poem. The number one represents sometimes unity, sometimes loneliness. Sometimes power, sometimes weakness. 2 can sometimes represent union, sometimes division. Sometimes integrity (doubled up), sometimes subversion (two-faced). 3 sometimes means perfect harmony (the trinity), sometimes discord (three's a crowd). Again, sometimes union (Three wise men), sometimes division (Romance of the Three Kingdoms). I suppose it is also not damaging to admit that I see the order of these poems as following an idea mimicking the Hindu "Cycle of the Universe". There begins creation (Brahma), existence (Vishnu), and destruction (Shiva). Lastly, I would like to suggest to the reader using playful interpretation. For example (though I am not saying that this is necessarily what is meant, that's up to you.), the use of Zaa Zaa could be a metaphor. In a heavy rain, there is a feeling of melancholy, vision is obstructed, though it is necessary for the continuation of life, as our food and water supplies all depend on rain for existence. Perhaps it could also be read as tears. There is in this sadness, blurred vision, and they are sometimes necessary to move on in our lives. I hope this is helpful, and encourages you to see my work as something more personal and fulfilling!
とてもいいせんりゅですね。でもちょっとむずかしいです。However, I think you did a nice job of explaining Katakana words you've used and the meaning of the poems.It leads the reader to ponder about the meaning of the poems.
I like that your poems were very subtle in their meaning and that the Katakana nicely complemented the mood. I also liked the Kanji that you used because it added a nice artistic element to it. とてもすきですよ。
hello, your senryus look impressive, care to explain more about the meaning behind the senryus and how the onomatopoeias work in them? thanks!
ReplyDeleteわたしはとてもすきですよ。かんじがあります。いいですね。Well done. わたしはあそびました when reading them.
ReplyDeleteDon't the kanjis look impressive. Reading your senryus, I realize that I also have to give an explanation for other people to understand what I mea (though I don't know any poet who tries to make himself clear).
ReplyDeleteIt was interesting to read your senryu, however, you need to explain why you used certain katakana words in your poem, as it is part of your criteria for this assignment.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Kuzuoglu-san in his statement about clarity. These senryu are actually ideas I have been working to develop for some time now, and this project provided and opportunity to dedicate time to that. I spent a lot of time researching the Kanji and vocabulary to find the words that most aligned with my impression of the ideas, so that there may be clarity in the ambiguity. Imagine a sound heard in pure darkness: we may not know exactly what makes that sound, but we gain an impression of whether is is threatening or welcoming, good or bad, etc. Much in the same way, by allowing the work to "breathe", it allows the reader to experience the impression naturally, or without force. However, the only way to achieve that effect without blocking the "breath" of the work is to make sure that the "body" is properly built. However, because it is part of the assignment, I at least must explain my katakana usage.
ReplyDeleteIn 1. I use the word fuwafuwa. It typically reads as "fluffy", though also is used to express something that is light, or airy (cloud-like). This light and airy feeling is also borrowed to describe dizziness, or the feeling you experience when drunk. When researching this word, however, I realized that the word was also the name for the Chinese mascots for the 2008 Beijing Olympics, which are commonly believed to be cursed and the cause of recent national disasters for China. I think that all of these aptly express what I am trying to express.
The first line of 2. perhaps should be qualified as well. I found this phrase to be a sort of slang, or idiom, which means "pick up lines", or "flattering words".
The next line is comprised of two onomatopoeic words: doki doki, and niko niko. Doki Doki is the sound of a beating heart. It is sometimes used to express excitement, and sometimes nervousness or fear. Again, I aim to employ both connotations. Niko Niko (sometimes seen as Niya Niya) is a grin, commonly linked to our term "Cheshire Cat Grin". Following the theme of duality, a smile, in and of itself, is a positive thing. However, a grin such as this seems to house a hidden darkness, which is not to be ignored.
As for 3., the words used are Zaa Zaa, and Bara Bara. Zaa Zaa is the sound of a heavy rain falling. Bara Bara is a word meaning seperated, or scattered.
As a light commentary, I should also point out a few "easter eggs" I've included. Firstly, the poems are not simply numbered, 1.,2., and 3. are the names of the poem. The number one represents sometimes unity, sometimes loneliness. Sometimes power, sometimes weakness. 2 can sometimes represent union, sometimes division. Sometimes integrity (doubled up), sometimes subversion (two-faced). 3 sometimes means perfect harmony (the trinity), sometimes discord (three's a crowd). Again, sometimes union (Three wise men), sometimes division (Romance of the Three Kingdoms). I suppose it is also not damaging to admit that I see the order of these poems as following an idea mimicking the Hindu "Cycle of the Universe". There begins creation (Brahma), existence (Vishnu), and destruction (Shiva).
Lastly, I would like to suggest to the reader using playful interpretation. For example (though I am not saying that this is necessarily what is meant, that's up to you.), the use of Zaa Zaa could be a metaphor. In a heavy rain, there is a feeling of melancholy, vision is obstructed, though it is necessary for the continuation of life, as our food and water supplies all depend on rain for existence. Perhaps it could also be read as tears. There is in this sadness, blurred vision, and they are sometimes necessary to move on in our lives.
I hope this is helpful, and encourages you to see my work as something more personal and fulfilling!
とてもいいせんりゅですね。でもちょっとむずかしいです。However, I think you did a nice job of explaining Katakana words you've used and the meaning of the poems.It leads the reader to ponder about the meaning of the poems.
ReplyDeleteUsing words with multiple connotations in a meaningful manner created very thoughtful and provoking poems. わたしは あそびに よみました。たいへんですから とても おもしろいです
ReplyDeleteI like the onomatopoeia you chose to use in your poems, I think it really helps to animate them,とてもたのしい about the mascots.
ReplyDeleteI like that your poems were very subtle in their meaning and that the Katakana nicely complemented the mood. I also liked the Kanji that you used because it added a nice artistic element to it. とてもすきですよ。
ReplyDeleteせんりゅは とても むずかしいです。わたしは わかりません。＠＿＠ せんりゅが じょうずじゃありません。たくさんじかんに かかりましたね。
ReplyDelete